i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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