shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
