I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Buhtt sex?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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