I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
