God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
