ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
