Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
