I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
