haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
this just has baby written all over it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
