I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
