when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
