Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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