Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
