i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
grandma shit on top of the toilet
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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