The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
