I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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