Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
