Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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