She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
