so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
