PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
