my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
