I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So vagazzling was a success
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
