Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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