garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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