Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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