she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize