legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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