My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
