he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
