Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
