But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
