Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
