Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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