i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
