And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
MIDGETS
????
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
