Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
