Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
