his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
