when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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