dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
