chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
