Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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