it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
