Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
