whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
