Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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