I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
