I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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