i think i have herpe
just one?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
