literally had 100 drinks last night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
