My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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