I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Never underestimate the power of titties
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