His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
