He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
