Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
