for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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