I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
tell me about the fingering
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize