If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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