I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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