Jerry, you need to find god
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
