was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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