I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
