The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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