when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
