we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
