We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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