i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I enjoy the company of your penis
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
