i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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