is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
