I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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