Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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