Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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