I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
