I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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