walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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