I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
