i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
