i permit you to call me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
