you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
