u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
porn star boner night. come get it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
